Mimpi dan ambisi

Gw gak kaget waktu pertama kali mendengar berita perpindahan Pak Sas dari ITB ke desa Sitoluama untuk menjadi direktur Politeknik Informatika Del. Komentar gw saat itu, "Wah, Pak Sas pasti senang bisa mewujudkan mimpinya". Walaupun terkesan kalimat itu terlalu cepat diucapkan dan Pak Sas sendiri mungkin juga belum merasa mewujudkan mimpinya, namun itulah yg pertama kali terbersit di pikiran gw.

Beliau salah seorang dosen yg terus terang gw punya mix feelings, antara kesel, sebel, kagum, salut dan juga seneng lihat senyum manisnya (jg ge-er Pak!). Pak Sas lah dosen yg pertama kali memberikan nilai hasil ujian F, waktu itu gw tahunya nilai terburuk itu E. Gw langsung kaget aja dan ngerasa begoooo banget....:-)

Celetukan beliau yg terasa pedas ternyata bisa gw lihat 'mengganggu' telinga beberapa kalangan, baik mahasiswa maupun dosen. Pendapat2nya yg antik dan terkadang nyeleneh memang sulit dicerna. Bahkan di kalangan mahasiswa ada pendapat kalau bicara dengan Pak Sas berarti lawan bicara sedang mengalami pencucian otak.

Suatu pagi sebelum ujian akhir dibagikan, beliau bertanya kepada seorang mahasiswa:
"Kamu lulus ujian?"
"Lho, ini baru mau ujian kan Pak"
"Iya saya ngerti, tapi kamu lulus gak?"
"Belum tahu Pak"
"Ya berarti kamu gak lulus"
"Kenapa gitu Pak?"
Saat mengajukan pertanyaan ini muka sang mahasiswa sudah merah dan kesal. Kelas sangat tenang, kami menunggu jawaban beliau. Dengan santainya Pak Sas menjawab,
"Justru saya bertanya karna ini ujian akhir. Kalau kamu yakin dengan apa yg kamu pelajari selama ini, harusnya kamu yakin lulus. Kamu aja gak yakin, bagaimana bisa lulus?"

Kami terhenyak dan gw menebak2 mesti soal ujiannya susah deh, abis Pak Sas senyum2 gak jelas gitu. Dan ternyata, damn betul. Saat menjawab soal itu gw sendiri jadi gak yakin bakalan lulus. Selesai ujian ternyata temen2 lainnya juga ngerasa hal yg sama. Sebelllll banget saat itu. Syukurlah gw lulus walaupun gak ngerubah sebel gw waktu itu.

Kalau gw melihatnya, beliau memiliki dimensi pandang yg berbeda dengan orang kebanyakan. Namun seperti biasanya, hal yg tidak biasa tentu tidak selalu jadi populer. Beberapa menganggapnya idealis, dan mencap tidak realistis. Kekaguman gw sama dia juga karna dia bisa bertahan menjadi seseorang yg berbeda, yg menurut gw bukan berarti (selalu) lawan arus.

Namun, saat mimpi dan ambisi yg selalu didengung2kan bisa menjadi suatu kenyataan, mungkin ini bisa menjadi secercah harapan untuk bangkit dan membuat mimpi2 baru, mengejarnya, meraihnya dan menyerahkan semuanya pada Tuhan, sang arsitek mimpi.

Bubur Kampiun

In my searching for a good Indonesian dessert, Ramadhan is a worth-mentioned month for that. Public market called “Pasar Ramadhan” in various sizes appears in many 'quartier' in Indonesia, so does in Balikpapan. But unlike Jakarta, people here have enough time to go home for fasting break. So most just come to the market to buy the food and eat them at home.

Not so different with other Ramadhan, this year I also take this opportunity to do my hunting for a good dessert. Though compared to Jakarta, I don't see many families or friends jotted together into the provided tents and break the fasting together. Oh, I miss it!

Many desserts sold in this market. The favorite now and then fasting breaker is 'kolak' (= banana and sweet potatoes in coconut milk-palm sugar soup) and 'whole coconut with ice and syrup" come along with other sweets. But the creativity does not stop there. When one type of food can't be enough, why not mix it all?!

Here it comes, BUBUR KAMPIUN (= champion porridge), name so for that is the champion among sweet porridges! It is blend of other sweet porridges that cooked separately and then mix before serve/eat. Maybe in the past, one guy happened to mix all the porridges served in the table and liked it, and since then it becomes as the tradition. *Maybe, I don't know*

This dessert is famous almost all over Sumatra with some variety, but the original some people say, comes from West Sumatra. I am not disagreed with that; the truth is I like it. Must-there items are kolak, bubur sumsum (= rice-flour cooked in coconut milk), bubur candil (either sweet potatoes or sticky-rice in coconut milk-palm sugar syrup), bubur kacang ijo (= green-bean porridge), bubur pulut hitam (= black-sticky-rice porridge) and srikaya (made of yolk, coconut milk-palm sugar syrup). The modification can include lempok (= durians sweet), ketan uli (= sticky-rice sweet) or wajik (= rice-coconut milk-palm sugar sweet) etc... *nyam nyam*

Some nutrition and dieters will say not-so-good comments about this 'bad' combination of such fat and high content carbo, but I don't think stopping it is an option for everybody. Just be on earth; why not try this not-everyday sweet. If you happen don’t know where to find these sweets, go and search quickly, or just hop into a traditional market. Don’t miss it!

For the sweet lovers, you have to try it! When American is famous of cookies and French is famous of croissant, in fact Indonesian is famous of 'jajanan pasar', name for variety of desserts that (in the old days) being sold in the market. Indonesian makes desserts almost from any fruit, and we are rich in the variety of fruit, this brings us rich in variety of this hors-d'oeuvres jajanan pasar.

25.10.2005

Hari ini tepat 12 tahun sudah kita bersama. Kutemui diriku tetap menyayangimu dan tetap merasakan kasih dan sayangmu. Selamat pagi dan selamat ulang tahun telah saling kita sampaikan. Kita saling mengingatkan untuk terus mendukung dan menyayangi seperti saat ini.

Salah satu lagu kita mewakili perasaan hatiku pagi ini. Sejak pertama kali kunyanyikan lagu ini di th'99, lagu ini jadi maskot pernyataan tulus terima kasih buat kasih sayang yg kau tawarkan. Buat hari2 yg kita lalui bersama, dengan tawa terbahak2, dengan senyum dikulum, juga dengan tangis berurai air mata (walau itu sangat kau benci).

Kau, satu terkasih,
kulihat di sinar matamu, tersimpan kekayaan batinmu.
Di dalam senyummu, kudengar bahasa kalbumu
mengalun bening menggetarkan.

Kupercaya hanya dirimu paling mengerti
kegelisahan jiwaku dan arti kata kecewaku
Kuyakin hanya engkau yg paling memahami besar arti kejujuran diri.
Kasih, (sungguh) indah sanubarimu.
Kini dirimu selalu bertahta di benakku,
dan aku pun berjanji kan mengiringi bersama di setiap langkahmu.

Kau, seseorang yg kukenal tulus hati dan mau menolong siapa saja, datang mengetuk pintu hatiku 12 thn y.l menawarkan untuk melalui hari2 bersama. Kuakui tak ada sesal di hati ini walau banyak rintangan yg kita lewati. Kupanjatkan doa untuk hari2 selanjutnya. Semoga Tuhan mendengar pinta kita.

**) modified [Bahasa Kalbu]. Original lyrics sang by Titi DJ

Sate Padang dan Air Jahe Hanget

Pernah gak kepikiran makanan apa yg paling enak di kala bete?
Catatan: berhubung banyaknya arti kata bete, artinya yg gw pake saat ini *bete = kesal*, kecuali dijelaskan berbeda.

Tadinya gw pikir sih buat gw, semua makanan juga bisa jadi enak kalo gw lagi bete. Sampai akhirnya terpikir lah suatu teori tentang kejadian2 kecil yg kalo dihubung2kan ternyata menjadi suatu kebiasaan rutin (please deh! susah banget nulisnya). Misalnya, kalo kita lagi meler karna pilek mesti nyari tissue, kalo lagi kangen nyokap pasti nelpon, atau misalnya kalo kebanyakan makan sambel pasti bolak balik WC. Maksudnya, ada kejadian2 tertentu menghasilkan respon tertentu juga, yg terkadang sudah otomatis. Pokoknya gitu deh!

Nah, salah satu kejadian2 kecil itu, ternyata...., gw kalo lagi bete pengennya makan sate padang dan minum air jahe hanget. Tadinya gw pikir2 ini mah gw doyan, gak usah nunggu bete juga waktu di Bandung mah makannya sate padang mulu... *langganan gw yg di depan unpad, menuju ke kost2an gw di sukasari*
Dan, ternyata..., setelah gw runut2 bener juga deh, mesti hari biasa gw bisa aja makan apa aja, tapi kalo lagi bete, mesti deh cacing2 gemuk di perut gw minta2 sate padang.

Sebenarnya gw baru kenal (banget) dengan sate padang yah di Bandung itu. Nyokap sih pernah bilang kalo waktu kami tinggal di Roxy, gw beberapa kali juga makan sate padang (yaaahh, gw kan gak inget lagi). Waktu di Bandung, biasalah anak kost, tiap malem nyantengin makanan di tenda2 kecil depan Unpad. Di tempat itu lah pertemuan kembali gw dengan sate padang. Sate padang yg dijual di situ katanya sih gak asli, karna bahannya daging. Katanya kalo yg asli hanya jeroan aja. Lama2 makan sate padang jadi kebiasaan harian, pilihannya kan pecel lele - sate padang - ayam bakar - bakso malang - untuk minggu ini. Minggu depannya diulang dari awal pecel lele - sate padang - ayam bakar - bakso malang ... gitu aja terus cycle-nya, sesekali yah sate kambing atau tongseng di simpang... Bergizzziii, banget kan. Terbukti lulusan ITB banyak didukung oleh pedagang2 kaki lima :-))

Kalo air jahe hanget lain lagi ceritanya. Waktu gw kecil, setiap gw batuk2, Mama pasti bikinin air jahe dari jahe bakar + asam jawa + gula jawa... dan rasa pedas2 hanget nya itu yg selalu gw kangenin kalo lagi bete (= butuh tehangatan) .... Ritual ini jg ngingetin gw sih kalo lagi bete, gak boleh terlalu bete. Kata Mama, nantinya gak siap menerima hal2 yg lebih nge-betein.... (ganti kata bete = kesal, nyokap gw gak ngerti bete).

Slurrrp... slurrp. Hujan2 gini di Balikpapan, paling pas emang minum air jahe hanget. Sate padang? Oh, no! Gw gak lagi kesal, cuman lagi bete = butuh tatih tayang... hehehe...

Boy's Language

Last friday, one old friend called (finally) after 1year in sabbatical "mood". He got a divorce. He said he couldn't be longer talk in the same language with his ex. Everything started perfect. Falling in love at the first sight, then fate brought them to the 2nd meeting, bla bla bla bla bla bla. They got married, have a baby girl. But then, after sometimes, all the nightmares started. He told me stories how things started to be worst in his life.

He called to tell me that he remembered my comment about his ex. I did warn him long before that he needs to understand her 'language' without imposing only his. And he admitted that he has tried but failed. He just could not bear it anymore to understand all the 'touchy' feelings, 'compulsory cuddling', 'crystal tearbox' etc, for the rest of his life. Marriage became no longer enjoyable. Then, they decided to get divorce, though this hurt many people. I did not speak at all when he told the stories. I know how hard this for him.

Is this really something we can avoid before getting hurt?

For the last couple days, I've been going out with boys. I noticed a difference in myself. I am more relax and (suprisingly) more of being myself. Seems that we speak in the 'same' language. The language that both parties know when to speak and what topics no need to be talked, but just accept it. The language that has to be 'right on the money' and 'three strikes you're out'.

This doesn't means that I don't like going out with girls, but it's just different. I think better to balance this both.

Original Face**)

One colleague just came back from a trip to Paris. He told me stories and one made me stunt. It is about an Indonesian girl friend "with an original face" - I use his word - being liked over there.

Artha: "Is this original face means that she has a bit brownish skin and a pesek nose, that type of face?"
Reply: "Yes, isn't it the bule's type?"

Whuahahaha...I have to answer him, "Not always, lah"

Let's see, between Ulfa Dwijayanti, Maudy Koesnady, Feby Febiola, just name three here, they are married to an expatriate (though not anymore for Ulfa). They are each unique. They don't have the same type of face. Moreover they are not fall into category "has an original face".

For those who don't have that type of face doesn't mean that they are not an original Indonesian -- o'o', I don't have to go details here -- You are just not fall into category "to be liked by a standard bule :-))

Original = not imitative or derived
Should we not use a word original here, shouldn't we?
I am original...

I am not an imitation...

I am 100% Indonesian...

I am glad to be Indonesian...

but when somebody said that we don't have original face...

(what did I write? Something really not important)

**) Please don't feel offended...

Stories to update

Today is my friend's birthday.
I sent her an email with a long blank space before saying "met ultah yah, dst". She did not ask why I did so :-( but I explained her why afterwards.

... the blank space is for...
- many years I have not wished her a happy birthday
- many stories I would like her to update me and,
- many stories about me that I would like to update her

yeaaah, I feel it's necessary to update our friends about us. I feel he/she has the right to know the stories. So, next time when I tell the stories about things that has relation with the past, they will not saying "I don't know that" or "Why did you not tell me before?"

Please do forgive me when not all my stories have been told, but I know this,
when I want to escape to a place where I know I'll be heard,
where I can cry and it will be okay
where I can be myself and that will be okay too
and all I have to do is find you
-- dedicated to all my friends --

Since you are gone

I wonder where are we going after death.
I believe in God, then I should believe that there's life after death.
But, it is not something that I would like to write.

It's about my friends who left me earlier.
God loves them, I suppose they are with Him by now.
I missed you guys. I write this at one of the times when I am thingking as if you guys were still alive.

You all left memories that I won't be able to forget.

Indah rasa itu

ku tau ku tak bisa berharap
ku tau ku tak 'kan bisa sempurna
jangan pernah kau harapkan teman,
ku tak yakin bisa sampai di sana

ku pun tak pernah menaruh harap itu padamu
bukan ku ingkari kemungkinan itu ada
namun kutau,

indah rasa itu,
saat ketidak sempurnaan membuat kita mampu
menertawakan ketidak mampuan kita
melangkahkan kaki lebih pasti di jalan yg kita tahu
mungkin tiada akhir dari ketidak sempurnaan kita

masih ada waktu untuk menjadi yg lebih baik
kita bersama menjadi lebih baik
itu yang kumau

Pengamen Juga Manusia

Tadi pas makan siang, gw agak2 terganggu dengan pengamen.
Suaranya sih gak jelek2 amat, hanya sayang lagu dan suasananya sangat gak mendukung. Mungkin suasana hujan mengguyur Balikpapan dari siang tadi dan keinginan menikmati bakso dengan nyaman, membuat gw merasa terganggu.

Tapi gw sadar kalo pengamen juga manusia, gak bermaksud untuk ikutan latah lho. Jadi yah wajar2 aja lah kalo dia juga mau hidup dengan kemampuan mengamennya, tapi menurut gw mbok yah rada menghibur gitu nyanyinya. Gw minta terlalu banyak yah :-)

Suatu waktu di bus Patas AC08 jurusan Rawa Mangun-Blok M, gw 'kedapetan' pengamen yang suaranya bagus, terus lagu2 pilihannya juga asyik. Gw sangat menikmati. Di lagu terakhir, sang pengamen menawarkan lagu 'pilihan penumpang'. Penumpang ditawarkan memilih satu lagu dari tiga lagu yg bisa dipilih. Seruu kan. Penumpang pun jadi heboh. Ada yg langsung meneriakkan lagu pilihannya, ada juga yg senyum2 saja dengan tetangga kiri kanannya (sekalian JP kali yee). Untuk mengatasi kehebohan sesaat itu, dengan semangat demokrasi yg lagi hot2nya waktu itu, Jakarta 2002, kami diminta voting. Akhirnya terpilih lah satu lagu, sayangnya gw lupa saat ini :-( kalo ingat ntar gw tulis deh.

Setelah selesai menyanyikan lagu terakhir itu, diiringi permainan gitar melodi yang asli assyik, saweran pun diedarkan dan tanpa ragu2 uang 500-an logam pun gw masukkan (pediiit.... iya, harusnya 1000 lho, apalagi itung2 si pengamen dah memberikan hiburan). Ada juga yg kasih 1000-an tanpa ragu2. Ada juga sih, seperti biasa, yang senyum2 aja.

Pengalaman bertemu pengamen bersuara merdu itu menjadi biasa di masa itu. Sehubungan dg krisis ekonomi dan sulitnya mencari kerja, profesi pengamen musiman menjamur rupanya. Bahkan ada beberapa kelompok yang well-equipped, lengkap dengan tamborin, dan drum kecil.

Nah, sayangnya ada juga pengalaman gw dengan pengamen yg reseh. Kalo gw gak ngasih saweran, gw biasanya default bilang "Maaf, Mas". Lebih sering sih, yah karna gw gak merasa terhibur. Jawaban sang pengamen bervariasi, antara lain yg suka bikin spaneng misalnya:
"Mbak, minta maafnya ke Tuhan aja",
"Belum gajian yah, Mbak",
"Ooh, gajiannya yg tanggal 5 yah".

Bahkan pernah gw lagi tidur di KA Bandung-Yogya, dibangunin untuk dimintain saweran. Gw bilang maaf. Reaksi sang pengamen di luar dugaan gw. Dengan tidak sopannya, setengah berteriak, dia bilang ,"Pelit banget sih Mbak, dah capek2 dibangunin!". Aneh gak sih?
Gw kan juga sama2 manusia, yg sama2 punya hak untuk mencari uang dan memberi uang kepada siapa. Saat itu, tanpa peduli gw melotot dan bilang, "Terserah mau dibilang pelit, saya mau tidur, tolong jg ganggu. Saya juga tidak ganggu kamu nyanyi!". Untung cowok di sebelah gw saat itu kooperatif dengan ikutan melotot juga.

Ya gitulah, namanya juga usaha 'Ta.

Anyway, di Balikpapan sih gw belum pernah (yah sampai saat ini sih) ketemu pengamen yg asyik. Yah, mana tahu gw aja yg kurang bergaul di daerah2 yg pengamennya asyik kali yah. Yg jelas, gw gak suka ketemu pengamen yg mengharuskan gw membayar mereka, dengan pelototan kek, apalagi dengan ancaman. Jangan lah ada premanisme di dalam proses ini.

Kalo gw suka, pasti gw sawer :-)

7 x 7

I don't know how many times one should apologize when making someone else angry?
7x7 is enough?

I am not angry easily, that's why this is so hurt me. Should I angry more often then to make angry is easy? no way!

I remember one story about a man who write all the goodness that his brother does to him in the rock, but all the bad things in the sand.
Someone ask why he did that, and he said : "when the wave comes and sweep the beach, what he wrote in the rock will stay, but those in the sand will disappear"

Let these tears sweep all my disappointments and angers and leave the good things that you've ever made to me.

Anti perdagangan perempuan, huh?

A bit shocked by the headline above, I remembered one advertorial I heard a lot currently in national radio. I couldn't quote the ad entirely, but it tells about an on-going campain to avoid woman tracking in particular (not to mention their age - child or adult) organised by ministry of woman's empowerment.

And now, what will be the minister said?

It is the supreme court who decide to put an expensive tag on us (?) unbelievable!

Maybe in the future we will not only hear Indonesian female are being sold ilegally for a nightclub overseas, like we hear a lot nowadays, but moreover, there will be some who are being sold legally to a 'bule'.

Girls, is this how they protect us?

Indonenglish?!

This blog has never been promoted to many people. Thanks to googleism, some people do really use it to track myself! (huuu, my grands would be jealous :-)

As I can guess, they asked me to write in English! They said that they want to know my news (what so called). Dear friends, writing in English for pleasure never been a problem *huahahaa...* I will try to write in English when it can really express the true meaning of the story. If not, it will still be in Bahasa Indonesia.

However, my formal Bahasa is getting worse! I can't help it. I admit that is a pity. Since my English is getting better, my bahasa has been dropping even faster. I still remember one time when I had to ask the secretary for an example of official letter writing in Bahasa Indonesia. I felt very ashame!

There is an article in Kompas last week saying that some Indonesian use Indonenglish (mixing bahasa and english here and there) since it sounds more up-town languange, showing prestige. Last week in Jakarta, I can't help myself laughing when hearing a mother kept talking English with her son and kept getting his replies in Bahasa Indonesia.

Bilingual is not a sin. Some people able to speak five to six languanges. Scientist approve that it's good for the brain. But I feel ashame when I can't say 'selamat pagi' and replace it with 'good morning' or 'bonjour' to my fellow indonesian. I said to myself not to let it worse. I am not proud of being able to speak English if my Bahasa as a pay!

Yes, if I say , "I speak Bahasa Indonesia, English and French", it has to mean that I can speak good Bahasa, good English and good French.

This is not the first time

Light went off.
This is not the first time.

Water run low.
This is not the first time.

Morning rain. Sun hides.
This is not the first time.

Morning blue. As does my heart.
and, again, this is not the first time!

This promise I made last night.
Things happen for a reason.
So, Lord, remind me (always) that nothing is going to happen to me that You and I can't handle together.

Scarf cantik

Hari ini, tidak seperti biasanya, gw ke kantor pake scarf.

Ada yg nanggepinnya 'a la mode'. Ada juga yg langsung nebak 'pasti elu lagi sakit deh 'Tha!. Yg kedua emang lebih pas, gw lagi radang tenggorokan. Dokter bilang sih agak serius.

Namun, dengan scarf itu, pakaian gw emang jadi enggak seperti biasanya, agak2 modis. Ada teman yg tadi bilang, "Sering2 dong 'Ta, pake scarf gitu. Sekalian pakai kemeja bunga2. Kamu tambah cantik deh, dan kami meeting jadinya kan lebih semangat. Apalagi pas kamu ngomong, enak diliatnya".

Lho... gubrak!
Sementara hari ini gw bete banget gara2 tiga meeting yg menyita waktu gw seharian, ternyata ada temen gw yg 'menikmati' meeting itu.

Gpp deh. Gw akan lebih sering agak modis, tentunya tanpa radang tenggorokan dong :-)

#@!1ej3493$@#

We have reset your login password on 03/10/2005 - 08:54:44
Your new password is : #@!1ej3493$@#

Yah mungkin, ini lah efek ketidak-semangatan gw kembali ke Bpn... ihik....

tadi malam, sambutannya mengecewakan.
mau mandi, air gak nyala. untung masih ada cukup di bak buat mandi.
baru segerr abis mandi, lampu mati.
gak lama kemudian nyala, horrey, eh tegangannya turun.
bisa ditebak dong, yg bisa nyala yah lampu kamar aja deh.

pagi2...
password login windows lupa.
baca2 surat2 dan memo2 dari mailbox.
login di-reset sejam kemudian.
buka lotus note, eh password nya salah ^#$&^
telp helpdesk lagi
... wuaaahhhh... gak niat banget ke Bpn atau dah lemot sih

need more courage nih to stay motivated in Bpn

go.fight.win

Sale... Sale... Sale...

Mark Samuel PM -- Duma Monica YM

Gw akui kalo gw emang suka sama 'sale', seperti kebanyakan perempuan.
Namun, kali ini di jakarta, gw lebih senang becanda dan bermain dengan ponakan2 gw banding memenuhi 'laper mata' di sogo sale, metro sale, marks & spencer sale... de el el...